I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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