I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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