He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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