Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
