What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
