my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
