Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize