I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
