You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
