all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
