Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
