Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
