I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
