bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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