dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize