no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
