Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
