i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
