did you get engaged???
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
