so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
