While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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