Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
