The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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