JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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