Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize