There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
