I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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