He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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