I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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