i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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