Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
