Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
