I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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