you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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