i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
