Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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