Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
