Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
