Swine flu. Run for my life!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had sex on a roof
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
