He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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