dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
