guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
