I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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