Dual....:-)
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
