Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
