i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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