Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I AM VODKA MAN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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