Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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