And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
