its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
