We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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