I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
