You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
