need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
