I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
