I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
