He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
