Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
