I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize