I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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