If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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