sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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