I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize