i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
