Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come on in and take your pants off
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