**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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