I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want her autograph on my taint
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
