i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
