I bet he comes in French.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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