why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
