and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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