At least make sure they are 18
Why
one two three fourrrrnication!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
