that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
