do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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