And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
