That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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