I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
