I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
