I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize