So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
