somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
