I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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