Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
