I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
