oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize