I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
