It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
