ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
