how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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