So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
