how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just invented taco cereal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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