I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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