I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
