Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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