My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize