my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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