I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
