I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
