What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
