there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
