Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
