If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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