I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dick has a subreddit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
