would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize