I want to walk on stilts...naked
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
