Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
