The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
