I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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